


decide what we should become

by soulfriend



Category: New Mutants (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Canon Divergence, M/M, Pining, my canon now, raising your best friend's kid, unrequited feelings (maybe)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25255027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulfriend/pseuds/soulfriend
Summary: Sam has been married with a kid and living in space for years now. Roberto thought he could bring his best friend back to Earth; who says no to Roberto da Costa? Sam Guthrie, apparently. Now, Roberto is trying to find his place in Sam's life. And he might still be a little in love with him.Whoops.
Relationships: Roberto da Costa/Sam Guthrie
Comments: 26
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Picking up where new mutants vol. 4 #7 left off.

Roberto da Costa sighed appreciatively as he unlocked the door to his apartment. His belly was full from a lunch at the noodle place down the street that was coming to be his favorite, and the Chandilar sun was shining through the windows and filling the room in a way that was practically begging him to take an afternoon nap. Roberto dramatically threw himself onto his couch and closed his eyes, soaking up the sun. This was the good life; no more having to worry about people trying to kill you every other second or having to be at the forefront of the debate on mutants’ place in society at large. Roberto reveled in his newly found freedom from such responsibilities and allowed his mind to drift away.

Roberto’s phone buzzed in his pocket, jolting him out of his half-asleep stupor. He almost didn’t bother checking it before remembering that the only person who really texted him now was Sam.

_ Want to come hang out down here? Joshie’s asking for his Uncle Bobby. _

Roberto couldn’t keep the smile from his face. He had to admit, he’d never envisioned being the cool uncle to Sam’s kid as part of his future, but now that it was, he didn’t mind. He was actually starting to like it; he played the role well, if he did say so himself.

_ Can’t say no to that lol. omw down _

Roberto had, of course, taken up the penthouse after buying Sam’s building. He hadn’t evicted anyone to do so; he wasn’t a  _ monster _ . The space had just happened to be conveniently empty when he moved in. Sam’s apartment was only a short elevator ride away.

Roberto gave the door two short raps before stepping away. He heard a small but loud voice from inside, and that smile crept back onto his face. His friend really had the most adorable kid. The door swung open, and Roberto was met with the smiling face of Joshie Guthrie.

“Uncle Bobby!”

Roberto knelt down to give Joshie a hug. “Hey, kiddo.” He stood, picking Joshie up, and the child let out a laugh. “Hope your dad hasn’t been neglecting you.” He looked over to Sam and gave him a wink. His friend just shook his head, grinning. Roberto stepped inside, and Sam shut the door behind him.

“The kid’s been a real menace today,” Sam said, rubbing his eyes. “Won’t calm down, then he starts whining about how he misses you… it’s a miracle you were free and could come right away, I dunno what I would’ve done.”

Roberto shrugged. He was pretty much free all the time now, but he didn’t say that out loud because it sounded kind of pathetic. He instead opted for a simple “Yeah, really lucky, I guess.” He looked over Sam’s shoulder at the living room, where most of the toys he’d bought for Joshie were strewn about the carpet in a disorganized mess.

“Wow. We’ve been hard at work, I see.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Now that’s the understatement of the year.” He yawned. “Do you mind watching him for an hour or two? I really need a nap.”

“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing before you asked me to come over.”

Sam’s face turned concerned. “‘Berto, if you can’t stay, then--”

Roberto quieted him with a wave of his hand. “Sam. It’s fine. I’ll hang out with your kid. Go take your nap.”

“Great,” Sam said, letting out a grateful breath. He ruffled his son’s hair. “You and Bobby have fun, okay?” Joshie giggled in response.

After Sam had disappeared down the hallway to his room, Roberto turned to look at Joshie. “Hmm. What should we do?” he asked playfully.

“Racecar! Play racecar!”

“Okay, we can play racecar.” Roberto set Joshie down, and the kid immediately ran over to the couch to grab a blanket. He held it out to Roberto proudly with a goofy grin. “Racecar” was a game Roberto had come up with where Joshie would sit on a blanket and Roberto would pull him around Sam’s apartment, accompanied by various car noises and a storm of giggling. Sam’s place was the perfect size for this game; Roberto didn’t even know if he’d classify it as an apartment, though he didn’t know what else to call it. Being in the Shi’ar Imperial Guard paid well, apparently.

The afternoon soon evolved into building spaceships with the toddler-sized Legos Roberto had bought, then making a train track for Joshie’s toy trains, then getting some applesauce out of the fridge because Joshie had complained about being hungry. Then it was time for Joshie’s favorite cartoon, and after helping turn on the TV in his room, Roberto finally flopped back down onto the couch in relief.

Being the cool uncle was exhausting.

“Ain’t so easy after all, huh?” Roberto turned at the sound of Sam’s voice. His eyes were crinkly and slightly unfocused in an I-just-woke-up kind of way, and he was wearing a comfortable smile. Roberto found himself fighting back a blush.

“It’s hard being adored this much,” Roberto replied, putting the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically.

Sam rolled his eyes, and just as he was opening his mouth to say something to Roberto, the door to the apartment opened. In walked Izzy, still wearing her guard uniform. Her eyes traveled across the room and landed on the cyclone of toys that had unfolded on the carpet.

“I see Joshie has been hard at work,” she commented, although it didn’t have the quite the same light tone as when Roberto had said it earlier. Roberto suddenly felt as if he was eavesdropping on something private.

“I haven’t had the chance to clean that up yet, Bobby came over to watch Joshie while I took a quick nap,” Sam explained. Izzy’s eyes now landed on Roberto, as if she was just now noticing him.

“Oh, hi, Roberto,” she said. “It was nice of you to help Sam.”

“No problem.” He felt like he should say something else to break the tension, but he couldn’t come up with anything, so he kept his mouth shut. Probably for the best.

“So, how was your day?” Sam said, walking over to Izzy and giving her a kiss on the cheek. She gave a quick smile.

“Oh, you know. Same old, same old.”

Roberto stood up and coughed awkwardly. Both their eyes turned to him. “I should, uh, probably get going.”

“Aw, you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Sam asked.

He thought about it for a split second, then realized that the entire evening would probably just be whatever awkward dance the three of them were doing now plus a hyperactive four-year-old. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have to. Thanks for offering, though.”

As he made the quick trip back up to his own apartment, he felt the same way he did every time he was in the room with Sam and Izzy: like he was intruding on something, that Roberto, Sam’s childhood best friend, didn’t belong in the picture-perfect family life he had created for himself. That Sam had moved on.

That Roberto was still a tiny bit in love with him. That he regretted not telling him sooner.

* * *

He woke the next morning (well, if one counted eleven o’clock as morning) to another text from Sam.

_ Hey, could you come watch Joshie again? I’ve got some work to do around the house and he always loves it when you’re over. _

Roberto smiled. He sent a  _ sure _ back to Sam and headed on down.

When Sam opened the door to his apartment, he had a plastic spatula in his hand. The smell of some sort of cooking food hit Roberto’s nose. He looked down, and Joshie had attached himself to his leg. Leaning down to ruffle his hair, Roberto asked, “Whatcha making?”

“I was just whipping up some grilled cheeses for lunch real quick,” Sam said, rushing back towards the stove to flip the sandwich currently in the pan. “Want one?”

“Absolutely.” Sam’s cooking was always to die for, even if it was something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich. Mrs. Guthrie had done good work.

Sam turned back to Roberto. “Hey, do you mind slicing this for me? Joshie likes the crusts cut off.”

Roberto suddenly felt stupid for not offering to help. “Yeah, no problem. You’re gonna have to get off me, though, buddy.” After detaching his benevolent parasite, he went to get a plate, then realized he didn’t know where Sam kept the plates. “Where are the plates?”  
“Far right cabinet. Middle shelf.”

Roberto had to reach to get to the middle shelf of the cabinet. He heard Sam chuckle softly. Plate in hand, he turned around, indignant; at Sam’s grin, he felt himself smiling, too. “Hey! I can’t help that my mother gave me the short gene.”

“Yeah, well, it’s still hilarious.” Roberto rolled his eyes and held out the plate, and Sam served up one perfectly golden-brown grilled cheese. He then realized he also didn’t know where Sam kept the knives. That out-of-place feeling struck again, and Roberto felt slightly self-conscious about having to ask where everything was, so he started pulling open random drawers hoping he’d get lucky.

“Second drawer from the left.” The tone of Sam’s voice suggested that he knew that Roberto just hadn’t wanted to ask him again, but he thankfully didn’t say anything else. Roberto silently removed the crust from the sandwich and cut it into triangles, presenting it to an enthusiastic Joshie, who was waiting expectantly at the table.

Minutes later, Roberto was served his very own Sam Guthrie specialty grilled cheese, and Sam had made one for himself. Roberto’s eyes widened at the amount of melted cheese spilling onto Sam’s plate.

“Holy sh…” Roberto caught himself, suddenly remembering that Sam’s four-year-old was at the table. Sam simply raised an eyebrow, accompanied by a slight smirk.

“Something you’d like to say about my grilled cheese choices, Bobby?” Roberto shook his head, laughing. He suddenly became very self-aware of the situation: him, Sam, and Sam’s son sitting at the table, joking around, eating the lunch that Sam had just cooked. The scene was so domestic it hurt.

Sam’s voice broke into Roberto’s train of thought. “Hey, I’ve been thinking.” Roberto made eye contact to show Sam he was listening. “Do you want to make this kinda a regular thing? It’s just, it’s been a lot easier on me whenever you come over. Don’t feel obligated to, if you have other stuff to do.”

“Oh. Um. Sure,” Roberto stuttered. “I’d love to.”

“Great.” Sam got up from the table, sandwich in hand, and rummaged through one of the kitchen drawers. “Here’s a spare key you can have so you can just let yourself in. I really appreciate it. You sure it isn’t too much trouble?”

Roberto shook his head, flashing Sam a smile that he hoped didn’t come across as uneasy. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way; Sam was giving him a place in his life, letting him into his family. But as Sam pressed the key into Roberto’s hand, he still couldn’t help feeling slightly out of place.


	2. Chapter 2

Roberto balanced the box of food coloring in his arms, placing it delicately between the bottle of vinegar and box of baking soda. Or at least, what he hoped was baking soda. He was still having a little trouble with Shi’ar. He smiled. Joshie was going to love this.

So far, he’d discovered that Sam’s son liked hands-on, creative endeavors. Roberto’s recent investment into a set of finger paints, for example, had been put to good use. Sure, it might’ve irritated Izzy to no end when she came home to find that her son had lovingly decorated the living room walls, but that was all part of the fun in Roberto’s book.

He really hoped that didn’t count as being a “bad influence.”

Roberto unloaded his latest ingredients for chaos onto the conveyor belt and rummaged in his pockets for his wallet. “Got a kid?” The cashier gave him a knowing smile.

“Oh, no.” Roberto shook his head. The cashier gave a slight frown but still maintained her customer service grin. “It’s for my… uh… nephew.” He really didn’t feel like explaining that he was basically filling in as a parental figure for his best friend’s wife.

“Oh, that’s fun,” the cashier said. “596 credits.” Roberto still had no idea how the conversion from Shi’ar credits to any Earth currency worked, not that it mattered in his case. He just handed over his credit card and smiled.

On his way out, he couldn’t help wondering why he had lied to the cashier. Or, more specifically, why he had lied the way he did. He could have easily just said yes to her question. Roberto allowed himself to entertain the thought: Joshie, his son. He felt that same guilt he had felt when Sam had given him the key to his apartment, like he was intruding on someone else’s life. Roberto had never seen himself as a father, or really planned on being one, but that was mostly because living in constant life-threatening circumstances tends to make one believe they won’t make it past twenty. That and his mixed feelings about his own father had made it uncomfortably easy to push away the concept at any given moment.

But here he was, and Joshie was the closest thing to a son of his own that he was going to get. Any time soon, at least. He couldn’t fathom settling down with someone and having his own kids. All of his past relationships had been meaningless flings; he’d never actually searched for a partner with the intention of staying together longer than a few months. Well, except for maybe Juliana, but that was when he was fourteen, and she had died long ago, so it didn’t matter now.

The only person he’d want to live that kind of life with was Sam.

Roberto was well aware that it was too late on that front. If he had learned anything from the constant loss that had followed him throughout his life, it was that it was no use wasting time and thoughts over what could have been. What mattered was what he had now, and that was an opportunity to be there for Sam’s son in a way that his own father hadn’t been able to be there for him. Roberto guessed, then, that he was a father after all, in his own way.

He looked up at Sam’s apartment door, mind suddenly blank, yet overcome with emotion at the same time. He turned the key in the lock, and opened the door to Sam and Joshie, waiting.

* * *

“Hey,” Sam said from across the room. “Izzy’s working the late shift tonight.” He raised an eyebrow.

Roberto looked up from where he was cleaning up the remnants of the baking soda volcano and smirked. “Oh, I love where you’re going with this…”  
“Wanna have a movie night?”

Roberto pumped his fist. “Movie night, baby!”

“What’re we watching?”

“ _ Star Wars _ ,” Roberto answered immediately. “Your kid has to be cultured, Sam.”

Sam rolled his eyes. They’d always been on opposing sides of the  _ Wars  _ vs.  _ Trek  _ debate. “I guess I can let you indoctrinate him.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“I know a really good pizza place we can order from,” Sam said. “Closest to Earth-style you can get around here.”

“Earth.” Roberto paused his cleaning. He stared out the window at the still-unfamiliar Chandilar skyline. It was the first time since moving here that he’d felt something like homesickness. “Remember when we’d order pizza back to the mansion?” Maybe it wasn’t missing Earth, but rather homesickness for the past.

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, and Magneto would tell us to go to bed, but you could tell he didn’t really mean it.”

“We’d sure feel it at morning training, though.”

“God, remember that time Doug fell asleep at the Danger Room control panel? Nearly took us all out.”

Roberto made eye contact with Sam, and the two promptly burst into laughter. Roberto suddenly realized he couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed like this.

After a moment, though, it faded, and Roberto was back to silently mopping up sour-smelling red liquid with a paper towel. “Hey, make sure that dye didn’t stain the table. Izzy’ll have a breakdown.” Sam stood up from his place on the couch to come check. Upon seeing the clean table, he breathed a sigh of relief.

As Roberto took the dirty dishes over to the sink, he couldn’t help feeling that some unspoken wall had just come up between them. All the easiness and familiarity they had shared in their moment of laughter was gone, and Roberto was playing by someone else’s rules. And although his friend would never admit it, Sam was too.

* * *

Roberto hummed along as the famous theme sounded out across the living room. Sam rolled his eyes as the Star Wars logo splashed onto the screen, and Roberto thought that something was missing.

“Popcorn!” He grabbed the remote from Sam and paused the movie. “Sam, what are we doing?”

Sam looked at him, and Roberto could tell he was keeping down a smile. Roberto raised his eyebrows, and he broke. “Okay, you’re right. Joshie, you wanna help make popcorn?” He moved the kid off his lap and got up. Roberto followed him towards the kitchen.

“Are you getting out a pot?”

“Stovetop is just superior, ‘Berto. I can’t raise my kid on microwave.”

Roberto suppressed laughter. “And I thought I was the snobby one.”

“Aw, shut up. Can you grab the step stool out of the closet for Joshie?”

Roberto brought the stool over to the stove, and Joshie stepped up, eager to see what his father was doing. “Okay, you wanna help me pour the oil?”

Roberto stepped back and let them work, fondly looking on. The pot Sam was using had a stirring mechanism for the popcorn, which was easy for Joshie to do. The kid jumped once the first kernel popped, giggling joyfully. Roberto made eye contact with Sam, who smiled at him and then quickly looked back to Joshie, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks.

Joshie jumped off the stool and started jumping around in time with the popping kernels. A grinning Sam took up the position of stirring the popcorn, and Joshie ran over to Roberto, tugging at his hand. “C’mon, Uncle Bobby, let’s dance!”

Roberto complied, making sporadic movements along with Joshie as the popcorn popped. Every so often, they would make eye contact, and Joshie would erupt into laughter. Sam looked on at the two of them, a fond expression on his face.

The popping eventually died out, and Sam poured them fresh bowls of buttered and salted popcorn. “Okay, take two,” Roberto said, flopping down on the couch and shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He had to give it to Sam; this popcorn was better than anything that could’ve come out of a bag. Not that he was going to give his friend the satisfaction.

About halfway through the movie, Roberto looked down to Sam’s lap, where Joshie had fallen fully asleep. His exhaustion was contagious.

“Hey, Sam, I think your kid might have the right idea,” Roberto said, yawning.

“Well, feel free to pass out, I’m gonna finish the movie.”  
“Ah, invested now, are we?” Roberto rested his head against the back of the couch, not bothering to jibe at his friend further. He told himself he was only resting his eyes, but soon he was falling into the darkness of unconsciousness.

Well, he must have, at least, because suddenly he was being awoken by Sam’s voice. He was curled into something warm, which could only be Sam.

Fuck.

“Hey, ‘Berto. Movie’s over.” Sam put his hand on Roberto’s arm, and he opened his eyes to the  _ Star Wars _ credits rolling and his head resting on Sam’s shoulder. He let himself stay there for a moment, trying not to feel guilty about savoring their intimacy. He involuntarily noticed the smell of Sam’s shampoo and the softness of his shirt and the warmth of his skin.

Roberto tried not to think too hard about the fact that he had fallen asleep on Sam, and that Sam had probably been awake the entire time and had not moved him or woken him up. Sam could probably feel his heart racing right now. His hand was still on his arm.

Him, Sam, and Sam’s son sitting on the couch, watching a movie together, falling asleep on each other. What a concept. Roberto would’ve laughed if it wasn’t so ironically painful.

Roberto opened his mouth to speak. Making sound was more difficult than he’d expected. “Yeah. Uh. I should probably go home.” He sat up and stretched, willing the tension that hung in the room to evaporate.

“Yeah, I need to go put Joshie in bed.” Sam stood up, carefully handling his son so as to not wake him up.

“Well, have a good night, then,” Roberto said, also standing up. Just not going to acknowledge it, then. Fine. It was what they had always done. He was used to it.

“You too. See you tomorrow, maybe?”

“See you.”

Roberto carefully and quietly shut the door to Sam’s apartment, although he told himself there was no need to feel like he was sneaking around.

“Roberto?”

Okay. Well. Maybe there was.

He turned to face Izzy coming down the hallway. She gave him a quizzical look. “What are you doing here so late?” Her tone was accusatory.

“Movie night,” Roberto offered awkwardly.

“Movie night.” Izzy arrived at the door. She stood there, looking at Roberto, like she was doing some sort of calculation in her head. She took a deep breath. “Well. Hope you aren’t keeping Josh up too late. Or Sam, for that matter.” She tilted her head slightly and smiled, though it didn’t seem to be out of kindness. Roberto tried to think of some kind of joke or witty comeback, but he was coming up blank. He just gave a small, awkward laugh.

“Sam was just putting Joshie to bed, actually. He passed out halfway through  _ Star Wars. _ ”

“Well. I do like  _ Star Wars _ .” Izzy paused. “Goodnight, Roberto.”

“Goodnight.” He gave her a wave, and headed down the hallway towards the elevators, trying to pretend he couldn’t feel his heart beating out of his chest. He hadn’t been doing anything wrong, he kept telling himself; it was just his stupid feelings. Feelings for Sam. His married best friend Sam.

Roberto was really and truly fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning sun shone through the windows of Roberto’s penthouse apartment. The window on the far side of the room went floor-to-ceiling, providing a dizzying view of the city below and the sky above. Joshie was currently glued to said window, pressing his little body into it with his arms above his head.

“I think your son is having a crisis,” Roberto joked from his position on the couch. A sliver of sun shone onto him, and Roberto soaked it up. Even though he didn’t need to “recharge” his powers anymore, it still felt refreshing.

Sam looked up from the floor, where he was setting up a board game. “Hey, Joshie, whatcha see?”

“The city is so big!” Joshie finally turned away from the window, eyes wide. “And the people are so tiny!”

Roberto looked at Sam, and they laughed. “Yeah, it’s different with the big windows, huh?” Sam said. Joshie nodded emphatically.

“Wanna come play a game?” Sam asked.

Joshie nodded again, running over to where Roberto was lying. He tugged at his sleeve. “Are you gonna play?  _ Pleeeeease _ come play!” Joshie begged, dragging out the  _ please. _

Roberto sighed dramatically. “Well, if you really want me to…”

“ _ Yes!”  _ Joshie said, running over to join Sam on the floor. Sam’s game of choice for today was “Sorry!”, a game Roberto hadn’t played since their New Mutants days. A few minutes of gameplay jogged his memory, and soon he was wreaking havoc and knocking everyone around the board. Sam’s family apparently played with the added rule of saying “sorry” in the loudest, most dramatic way possible when you knocked someone back to Start, a rule which Sam had imported to their current game and had been happily followed by Joshie.

Roberto decided to switch things up after a while, exclaiming “ _ Desculpa!” _ in his native Portuguese after a particularly devastating move against Sam.

“What does that mean?” Joshie asked with curious eyes.

“It means  _ sorry _ in Portuguese,” Roberto explained. After a confused frown from Joshie, he clarified. “It’s another language. We speak it in Brazil, which is where I’m from.”

“Ohhh!” Joshie said. “That’s so cool! Can you teach me, Bobby?”

“Maybe,” Roberto teased. Across the board, Sam rolled his eyes.  _ He loves you, _ he mouthed.  _ I know, _ Roberto mouthed back. Such was the nature of little kids; they decided they liked you, and suddenly everything you did was God-like.

Joshie ended up winning the game. Roberto didn’t know if Sam was letting him win, but Roberto at least knew that  _ he _ was trying his hardest, which only made the fact that he’d been beaten by Sam’s four-year-old son more infuriating. Sam gathered up the game while Joshie did a little victory dance around the room.

“Well, we should get going,” Sam said, standing up and stretching. He motioned to Joshie, and the two walked out the door. “See ya!” Sam said as the door closed.

Roberto’s eyes drifted back towards the couch, where Sam’s hoodie was sitting on the edge of a cushion. He must have taken it off and forgotten about it. Roberto thought about texting Sam, but decided he’d just return it the next time he was over.

He picked up the sweatshirt to put it somewhere he’d remember to grab it. Sam’s scent still hung on it faintly, and Roberto consciously tried not to notice, tried not to feel guilty for wanting.

* * *

Roberto was doing the dishes when he heard a knock at the door. He had decided to try to learn to cook, now that he was living on his own and all. Just to give himself something to do. Spaghetti and meatballs was probably one of the simplest things you could cook, sure, but it was a starting point. And he  _ had _ made his own meatballs instead of getting frozen ones, thank you very much.

He dried his hands off on his pants on the way to the door. It was Sam, because of course it was Sam. He had that bashful smile of his on his face. It was becoming instinct for Roberto to fight a blush.

“Hey. I left my hoodie over here earlier, I was just coming by to grab it.”

“Sure, no problem,” Roberto said, stepping aside to let Sam in. His friend’s eyes drifted toward the running sink and open dishwasher, and he raised his eyebrows.

“Wow, you actually have dishes to do?” Sam pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “The Roberto da Costa I once knew is dead and gone…”

“Oh, shut up, just when I try to learn to cook and be useful for once,” Roberto muttered.

“No. Hey.” Sam turned, placing a hand on Roberto’s shoulder. “You are useful, you’ve seriously been a life-saver the past couple weeks.” He dropped the hand, and Roberto’s shoulder felt cold. Sam broke eye contact. “I, er, actually didn’t realize how much I missed having you around.”

Roberto’s real response to that statement was “I thought about you almost every day after you left,” but that sounded… slightly creepy, so he just went with a nod and “Yeah, me too.”

“Here, I’ll help you finish the dishes?”

“No, you don’t have to, there’s not that many anyways,” Roberto said quickly, though he knew that it wasn’t really about the dishes. Sam was already walking over to the sink anyways.

They worked together silently, the only sound in the room the running water and music that Roberto had put on. He finished putting the rest of the spaghetti into a plastic container and started washing the pot in the sink next to where Sam was rinsing dishes to put in the dishwasher. Roberto was hyper aware of his own breaths, the beating of his heart, of Sam’s warmth, of Sam’s scent beside him.

The current song ended and another one began. Roberto felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him, but he couldn’t quite place it. Sam must’ve had the same feeling, because he turned to look at Roberto. “Remember when this song would come on at those mixer dances we’d go to? With the town kids?”

“Yeah.” Roberto smiled. That was it. He’d almost forgotten about the school dances back in the day, when he’d spend the night asking random girls to dance, flirting, sometimes kissing, playing at love. He nodded his head to the beat and moved away from the sink, starting to dance. He motioned to Sam to join him, and that beautiful bashful smile returned, rolling his eyes before moving to join Roberto.

Roberto held his hands out to Sam, and he took them. He moved their hands together, up and down to the music, smiling at Sam. Sam laughed. He stepped closer, taking up a traditional ballroom dancing position, the hand on Roberto’s waist making his heart spike. They moved around Roberto’s kitchen, water from the dishes seeping through their clothes, everything else in their lives falling away.

The beat of the song died down, slowing to a more subdued bridge section. Their movement came to a stop, and Roberto’s hand was still in Sam’s, and they were still so close, and Roberto looked up to see Sam’s face inches from his, and he could feel their breath mixing. Roberto’s heart was going a mile a minute. He closed his eyes, shifting his grip on Sam’s shoulder, tentatively reaching forward to close the gap between their lips, and felt himself being pushed across the room.

“What the fuck?” came Sam’s voice from the other side of the kitchen. Roberto felt his heart drop and blood run cold. He opened his mouth, but his voice wasn’t working. Nothing was working.

“Roberto, I really like you, I do, but if you think I’d cheat on Izzy--” Sam cut himself off, striding over to the kitchen table to retrieve the sweatshirt he’d came for. Roberto’s head spun. “I’m just gonna go, I can’t believe--”

“Sam,” Roberto said weakly, trying to salvage any part of their relationship he still could. “I… I’m sorry.”

Sam turned around at the door. “Yeah, well, you should be,” he said, ice cold. “Maybe it’s best if you don’t come over for a while, yeah?”

Roberto just stared at him, speechless. Sam opened his mouth to say something else, then closed it, turning and walking out the door, closing it forcefully but not slamming it. The song was still playing.

Roberto sank onto the couch, head in his hands. He wished he could turn back the clock five minutes, before that song had come on, before he’d done anything stupid without thinking. If he hadn’t tried to lean in for that kiss, if he could’ve stopped being selfish for five seconds, Sam would be sitting right here on the couch next to him. Whatever was happening between them-- whatever feelings Roberto had for him-- would still have gone undiscussed, would have been avoided another night, but they’d still be together. Roberto wouldn’t have torn down years of friendship and trust with one second of stupidity.

All he could ask for now was forgiveness, and he wouldn’t blame Sam for not granting it.


	4. Chapter 4

Roberto absentmindedly checked his phone. No notifications. He put it down next to him, right where it had been lying the whole afternoon, and tried to focus on the TV episode he’d put on in an attempt to distract himself. He felt like he’d just sent a risky text, except the risky text was trying to kiss his married best friend and he’d sent it three days ago.

He picked up his phone again. Clicked it on to an empty lockscreen. Put it back down. Tried to focus on the TV. He laid down on his side and stretched out, just to switch things up. No word from Sam. He honestly didn’t know what he expected to change. For all he knew, Izzy was keeping him from talking to him. He wouldn’t put it past her.

Sam’s silence was making Roberto realize just how lonely he was, on a different planet, away from everyone he’d ever known. He was seriously considering packing it up and moving back to Krakoa, but after thinking about it he realized he’d have to explain  _ why _ he was packing it up and moving back to Krakoa, and he really wasn’t ready for that conversation. He was pretty sure no one else knew how he felt about Sam, and he wanted to keep it that way. Well, except for maybe Dani. She had a way with these things. Heart’s desire, and all.

_ Dani. _

Roberto felt like slapping himself. It wasn’t like he was completely cut off from everyone just because he lived on a different planet. His phone plan wasn’t interplanetary, but whatever hologram technology the X-men were using these days worked across space. He dialed up Dani and waited.

The call went to voicemail (videomail?). Impatient, Roberto hit call again. On the very last ring, Dani picked up.

“This better be important, Roberto, we’re kind of in the middle of something right now.”

“When are we not?”

Dani rolled her eyes. “Fair enough. What’s up?”

Roberto hesitated. “Is, um. Anyone else around? It’s kind of private.”

A voice sounded from out of frame. “Oooh, it’s  _ private _ !”

“Shut up, Doug,” Roberto said, not missing a beat. “Anyways, Dani, if you can’t talk right now, it’s fine--”  
“No, I can, hold on.” Roberto heard rustling, hopefully signifying that Dani was moving to another room.

“Okay. We’re good now.”

Roberto took a deep breath. “Okay, so you know the, uh. The thing with Sam?”

“The thing where you were totally in love with him, and then he went and got married to someone else, and you constantly regret not telling him sooner because you’re still totally in love with him?”

Roberto winced. “Yeah. That.”

“Well, I’m guessing that you’re not calling to tell me they got a surprise divorce, so what the hell did you do?”

“I tried to kiss him.”

Dani put a hand over her mouth, stifling laughter.

“Oh, my God, Dani, it’s not funny!”

“I’m sorry. Wow, you fucked up, dude.”

“You think I don’t know that? It happened three days ago and he hasn’t spoken a word to me since.”

“I wouldn’t either, honestly.”

“Yeah, I know he’s totally justified, I just… don’t know what to do.” Roberto sighed. “I want him to know I’m sorry, and that I know how stupid I was-- and am-- but what am I supposed to do when he won’t even talk to me?”

Dani shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m really not the person to come to for relationship advice.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the only one who knows, so. Here we are.”

Dani looked away, thinking. After a moment, she turned back to him. “Well, I can’t offer you any advice as for what you should do, but knowing Sam, he’ll come back to you eventually. I don’t think he has it in his heart to cut anyone off like that, especially you. Just give him time.”

Roberto nodded. He felt like deep down, he already knew that, already knew Sam inside and out, but it was comforting to hear someone else say it. “Thanks, Dani. Good talking to you. What are you guys up to these days, anyway?”

“Tracking down some new mutant whose powers just manifested. We’re in Carnelia.” She must have seen Roberto’s confused expression, because she then clarified, “Somewhere in Eastern Europe. Next to Ukraine. We’re about to go check it out, actually, I should probably get back to the group.”

“Good luck.” Roberto felt the usual concern for his friends, but also something like nostalgia. It was unexpected; he thought he’d fully left the part of him that was on an X-Men team behind. “Make sure to call me when you get back.”

“I will. Good luck with Sam.” Dani smiled. “Miss you guys.”

“Miss you too.” They were silent, neither one wanting to hang up. Then someone called Dani’s name in the distance, and she gave Roberto one last look before hurriedly ending the call.

* * *

Roberto was in the middle of his afternoon nap when the doorbell rang. He jolted awake, throwing the sheets to the side and drowsily stumbling to the door. He simultaneously hoped it was Sam and hoped it wasn’t Sam. Heart pounding, he opened the door.

No one was there. He frowned in confusion, then looked down. Joshie was at his door, staring up at him with pleading eyes. Roberto felt a pang in his chest.

“Joshie?” Roberto knelt down. “How did you get up here?”

“I remembered how.”

“Does your dad know you’re here?”

Joshie looked away from him. “No. But I miss you.” Roberto felt a pang in his chest. He hadn’t even thought about how all this would affect Joshie; he was used to seeing Roberto pretty much every day and now he was gone.

Roberto held out his arms. “C’mere, buddy.” Joshie ran to him, and Roberto engulfed the kid in a tight hug.

“Why don’t you come anymore?” came Joshie’s voice. Roberto broke the hug, keeping his hands on Joshie’s shoulders.

“Well. Uh. Me and your dad had… a fight.” That was a simple way of putting it. Joshie frowned.

“But I thought you were best friends?” Another pang.

“Even best friends fight sometimes, Joshie. It’ll be okay.” It wasn’t just Joshie he was talking to.

“I think we should get you back to your dad, okay?” Joshie looked away again. “He’s probably very worried about you.” The kid gave a resigned nod, allowing Roberto to pick him up. Roberto grabbed his keys off the entryway table and carried Joshie towards the elevator.

Knocking on Sam’s door was painful, and he almost didn’t want to do it, but Roberto supposed the band-aid had to be ripped off at some point. He heard footsteps from inside the apartment, and braced himself for whatever lecture Sam had in store for him. Or maybe he wasn’t even going to talk to him, just take his kid and shut the door in his face.

Sam opened the door.

“Hey, so, your kid just wandered up to my place, and he said you didn’t know where he was, so I figured I should get him back to you before you worried too much.” Sam didn’t say anything. “Sorry.”

Sam finally let out a breath, holding out his arms for Joshie. “Yeah, I figured he couldn’t have gone far.” He poked Joshie’s nose, and the kid giggled. “Someone’s developing a rebellious streak. Wonder where he got that from?” Sam eyed Roberto, who gave a nervous laugh. Were things just back to normal now?

“Actually, if I remember correctly, you came along all those times we used to sneak out,” Roberto bantered back. Sam didn’t respond. Neither of them made eye contact. The silence hung between them.

After he couldn’t take it anymore-- a few seconds that felt like several minutes-- Roberto cleared his throat. “Can we talk?”

Sam set Joshie down, and he ran off into the apartment. He closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath. “Yeah.” Roberto was suddenly aware that he hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on when he’d woken up from his nap. Great. He took a deep breath.

“Listen, I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry,” Roberto said. “I don’t know if it was your own choice to not talk to me, or if Izzy put you up to it, or whatever, but I totally understand. I was kind of an asshole, I just don’t want it to be like this forever.”

“Okay, first of all, it was my choice not to talk to you. Just because Izzy can be a little bossy sometimes doesn’t mean she’s some… some villain, Roberto.” Sam sighed, looking at the ceiling. “I just needed some space. Time to think, y’know?”

“Yeah.”

“This isn’t ruining our friendship, ‘Berto. I promise.” Sam looked back at him, and Roberto gave him a nod. He felt relief wash over him. “We’re adults, we don’t need to be overdramatic teenagers about this. I’m ready to put it behind us if you are.”

Roberto tried not to sound pathetic. “Oh, my God, yes. I am. Thank you, Sam.” He gave an awkward laugh, and Sam laughed with him. It didn’t feel the same as it used to, but Roberto was okay with that. Give it time, Dani said.

Roberto had all the time in the world. That he could do.

* * *

Two days later, he got a call from Sam.

“Hey, Sam, what’s up?”

“Can I come over for a minute?” He sounded like he used to sound when a training session went awry, panicking on the inside but trying not to show it. “If it’s a bad time, it’s fine, but--”

“Sam. Of course.”

“Okay, be right over. Thanks.” He hung up, and Roberto couldn’t stop his mind from cycling through the worst case scenarios. Something was wrong with Joshie. Sam didn’t actually want to continue their friendship. Something had happened with the Guthrie family back on Earth.

The doorbell rang, and Roberto rushed to let Sam in. He tried to greet him, but his friend immediately made his way over to Roberto’s couch and sank down, head in his hands.

“Izzy’s leaving.”

“What?”

Sam looked up at him. “She got some new Imperial Guard assignment on a different planet. She leaves in a week.”

Roberto stared blankly, trying to process. “What, so that’s it, then? She’s just… going? Without you?”

“We aren’t allowed to come. I tried to talk to her, told her that she has a family now, a son to raise, and she recognized that, I guess she just…” Sam sighed. “Cares about her career more than us.”

“Are you staying together, or are you. Uh. Done?”

Sam swallowed. “I think we’re done.” He shook his head, his expression hardening. “No, we  _ are _ done.” He looked like he had more to say, so Roberto stayed silent. “She’s already almost never home, which I could deal with because we’re still living together, being together, but with even that being gone… I don’t think I can do it, ‘Berto. I love her, but I can’t do it, and I don’t think…” His voice got quiet. “I don’t think she loves me as much as I love her. And I don’t know why it took me this long to realize it.”

Roberto sat down on the couch next to Sam, who took a deep breath in and out. “Wow. That’s the first time I’ve said that out loud.”

“Is it okay if I hug you? You look like you could use a hug,” Roberto said.

Sam frowned, then gave a sad smile. “You don’t need to ask to hug me, ‘Berto.”

Roberto wrapped his arms around Sam. He melted into his touch, and Roberto rubbed comforting circles into his friend’s back, getting lost in the rhythm. “You’ll get through this,” he said. “Joshie couldn’t have a better dad.”

Sam looked up at him. His eyes were watery. Roberto felt love swell in his chest, and he tried not to feel ashamed for it.

“And I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”


	5. Chapter 5

The day after Izzy left, Joshie got sick. As soon as Roberto heard, he was down at Sam’s apartment.

“Thank you so much, ‘Berto,” Sam said, exhaustion in his voice. “I’ve been up since six, he woke up feeling all bad and wouldn’t go back to sleep.” Sam sat down on the couch and rested his head against the back.

“You don’t have to ask twice, you know me,” Roberto assured him.  _ You know I’d do anything for you. _ Looking around, he noticed a distinct lack of Joshie. “Where is the little guy?”

“I actually just got him down for a nap,” Sam said. “Hopefully it lasts. I was gonna make lunch but now I’m realizing there’s basically nothing in the fridge, so I’d like to run to the store real quick.”

“Ooh, what is professional home cook Sam Guthrie making today?” Roberto sat on the arm of the couch, raising an eyebrow at Sam.

“Was gonna make my mom’s chicken noodle soup. She used to make it for us whenever we got sick.” He lifted his head and smiled at Roberto. “Sometimes we’d look forward to getting sick just to have it.”

“Feeling boastful, are we?” Roberto teased. “Usually that’s my job.” Sam looked away, rolling his eyes.

“In all seriousness, I won’t mind staying here with Joshie while you go buy the stuff,” Roberto said. “For all we know he’ll just stay asleep the whole time.”

Joshie did, in fact, stay asleep the whole time, and Sam had soon returned with the ingredients for his mom’s legendary chicken noodle soup. As Sam was getting out a pot, he looked toward Roberto, a smile slowly creeping onto his face.

“Hey, you said you were learning to cook, right?” Sam put the pot on the stove. “It’s only fair I teach you this recipe.”

Roberto put a hand to his forehead. “So I don’t just get to sit here while you prepare a delicious meal for me? Tragic.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “C’mere and boil some water, ya spoiled brat. And it’s not  _ just _ for you. We’ve got a sick kid to worry about, don’t you forget.”

As Roberto filled a pot to cook the noodles, Sam got to work chopping chicken. They worked side by side in silence, but it wasn’t awkward and heavy like it had been. It felt more comfortable, more familiar. Every so often Sam would tell Roberto what to do, put a gentle hand on his shoulder, tease him affectionately, like it had always been like this.

And Roberto supposed it had, he’d just never really noticed.

“Can you go get Joshie?” Sam asked, once the soup was ready. Roberto nodded, heading down the hallway to his room.

He tapped gently at the door. “Joshie?” The kid didn’t stir. Roberto approached the bed, gently shaking his shoulder. “Joshie, your dad made lunch.”

Joshie blinked open his eyes, weary. Upon seeing Roberto, he smiled. “Bobby?”

“Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?”

Joshie rubbed his eyes. “Bad. And I’m not hungry.”

“Your dad made chicken noodle soup. Can you try and eat some for me?”

Joshie looked up at him, thinking. “I guess I can try.”

“That’s the spirit.” Roberto helped him out of bed and carried him down the hall. He put him in his chair at the table, and Sam was waiting with a blanket to drape over his shoulders.

Joshie ended up eating his entire serving of soup, and kept it down, too. After he was put down to bed for the second time that day, Sam sat down on the couch and let out a sigh of relief.

“Looks like it’s just a particularly nasty cold. He’ll be okay in a few days.” Sam looked at Roberto. “Even so, would you mind staying the night, just in case something happens?” He patted the couch. “It’s a pullout.”

Roberto sat down next to Sam, giving a dramatic sigh. “It’s probably not up to my standards, but, for you, anything.” Always hiding the truth in between jokes. He never learned.

“Great. Thanks.”

They sat in silence, conversations that they hadn’t had but needed to lingering between them. Roberto was the one to break it, because he always was.

“So. You and Izzy.”

Sam looked at him. “What about us?”

“Was it… okay? Or.”

Sam looked away. “Yeah, it was okay, actually. To be honest, I kinda wish it went less okay than it did.” He sighed. “It would’ve meant she cared as much as I wanted her to. But she just… didn’t. So it was okay.”

More silence. Then Sam turned to Roberto. “How long?” At Roberto’s confused expression, he elaborated. “Have you… y’know. Felt that way about me.”

The question caught Roberto off guard, though he supposed it shouldn’t have. “I don’t know, I guess I’ve never really thought about it like that.” He shrugged. “I think that’s just how it’s always been.” His voice was softer, that time.

“Oh.” Sam’s eyes drifted away, and Roberto could tell he was thinking.

“I… I think I realized it when you got with Tabby.” Sam was still thinking, but Roberto was really just talking to fill the silence and also to run off his increased heart rate. “At some point I realized I wasn’t jealous of you, I was jealous of her. And since then, I guess I’ve just been too scared to say anything.” It made a strange amount of sense when Roberto said it out loud.

Sam came back in, giving him a long look. “Okay.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know yet.” And with that, Sam stood up. “Here, I’ll show you how to use the couch?”

_ Wow _ , Roberto thought.  _ We are both  _ so  _ bad at this. _

* * *

Roberto woke one night to Sam screaming.

It was about a week later. Joshie had recovered from his cold, and Roberto had taken to just sleeping on Sam’s couch; he was over there so often already. The only thing he really went back up to his place for anymore were his clothes, and even then he’d just grabbed a bunch of random outfits and survived on them for a few days.

Roberto took a few seconds to process. It was the middle of the night. He was on Sam’s couch. Sam had screamed. Right. Okay.

He shuffled down the hall to Sam’s room, gently pushing open the door. Sam was lying in bed on his back, hands on his forehead, breathing heavily.

“Sam?” he said, soft. His friend rubbed his eyes and rolled over to face him.

“Hey, ‘Berto,” he said groggily. “Just had a bad dream, I think.”

Roberto sat on the bed next to Sam. “What about? I mean, you don’t have to say. If you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s okay. I… don’t really know.” He paused. “Just remember being terrified. And then waking up.” He let out a shaky breath.

Roberto put a hand on Sam’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb over his skin in a comforting motion. Sam closed his eyes, taking deep breaths in and out. After a few minutes, Sam looked like he might be asleep, so he stopped. Roberto stood up from the bed, and Sam’s hand shot out, grabbing his wrist.

“Can you stay?” His eyes were still closed, and his voice was little more than a murmur.

Roberto sat back down. “Uh. Sure.” Sam’s hand was still at his wrist. Roberto took his hand out of his grip and poked at his shoulder, the tiniest smirk creeping onto his face. “Move over, bed hog.”

Sam smiled, almost laughing. He opened his eyes and looked at Roberto with something he could only describe as fondness. “Okay.” He moved to the far side of the bed to make room for Roberto. The bed was still warm where Sam had been lying.

Roberto woke the next morning to light streaming across the room and his hand draped across Sam’s stomach. Sam’s head was turned towards him, but he was still asleep, and Roberto found himself thanking God as he carefully removed his arm and rolled out of the bed.

As he went through the motions of making a morning pot of coffee, he realized he didn’t quite know what they were anymore.

* * *

“You ever think about leaving Chandilar?” Roberto asked him one afternoon. He’d stopped keeping track of how long it had been. Life just  _ was _ .

Sam turned to him from the couch. “Y’know, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I mean, what’s really left for me here?” He gestured vaguely to the space around him. “Other than it being the only life Joshie knows.”

Roberto took his place next to Sam. “I do kinda miss Earth.” He paused. “Actually, I  _ really _ miss Earth. I miss our friends.”

Sam frowned. “You aren’t seriously thinking about going back to Krakoa, are you? Because after… y’know. The stuff with Melody. I can’t go back there.”

Roberto shook his head, waving his hands dismissively. “No. No, God, no. Every time I think about it, that place seems weirder and weirder. It’s--” he did a quick check for Joshie, he was down for a nap-- “fucking unsettling.”

“Okay, glad we’re on the same page there. So what were you thinking?”

“Well, we could get a place somewhere. Maybe New York, since we know it. I have the money.” Roberto raised his eyebrows, and Sam snorted. Roberto gave him a gentle push on the arm.

“Seriously. We could enroll Joshie at a preschool, get him with other kids his age. You could go to college like you’ve been meaning to do since you were… what, sixteen? We could live normal lives. Or at least try to.”

Sam nodded, lost in thought. “Well, when you put it that way…” He gave Roberto a look. “Although, last time you told me we were ‘retiring’--” he used air quotes-- “one call from Wolverine was all it took for you to throw that out the window.” And now they were here. Roberto didn’t need to be reminded.

“It won’t be like that this time, I promise.” Roberto put a hand on Sam’s arm. “We’ll be as normal as two mutants who just quit the X-Men can be.”

For a minute, Sam didn’t respond, just looked at Roberto. “All this  _ we _ .” He played with the hand that was resting on his arm. “What are we, Roberto?”

Roberto tried to come up with some jokey response, but his mind was completely blank. All his thoughts were Sam, Sam, Sam. He was aware of himself shifting closer, could feel the warmth radiating off of Sam’s body.

Stupidly, without thinking, just like the first time, he leaned in, but this time Sam was there to meet him. It wasn’t a deep kiss, just a quick press of their lips together, but once they parted, it felt like it had been so much more.

“Is this okay?” Roberto said, voice almost a whisper. Sam drew back, then took a long look at Roberto. For once, he couldn’t quite tell what Sam was feeling, so his emotions teetered on the edge of both elation and devastation. Sam’s eyes met his.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think it could be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! just popping in to say i'll be taking a week's break from this fic. thank you all for reading, and especially to those who have commented or messaged me to talk about this fic! i hope you guys are enjoying it, and i'll see you back here in 2 weeks! <3 <3


	6. Chapter 6

Six months had passed since they’d made the decision to move to New York, and they might’ve been the best six months of Sam’s life.

Roberto had found them a two bedroom apartment in the Village. Sam didn’t want to know how much it had cost, and despite Roberto’s protests that he was fine paying for everything, Sam had gotten himself a job at the used bookstore down the street. Sure, it didn’t pay much, but he wanted to feel like he was helping out, even if it was just a little. He’d even enrolled in some classes at a community college, like Roberto had suggested.

Joshie had made the transition surprisingly well. Sam thought it was because Roberto had been over at their place so often that it had become normal; he was already such a father figure to his son that it wasn’t confusing at all for him to take up the role full time.

He sometimes wondered if Joshie would even remember Izzy when he was older.

Sam himself was thinking about Izzy less and less. He wasn’t as torn up and lost as he’d expected to be, which was strange yet reassuring. He guessed that being with Roberto was part of that; the more he thought about it, the more he realized that this was really the first relationship he’d been in that felt truly fulfilling. In the past, he felt like he’d been in love with his idea of how the relationship should be in his head, and he hadn’t been honest with himself about the reality of the situation. When he was with Lila, she was an adult and he was a naive teenager. When he was with Tabby, they’d been separated more than they were together. When he was with Izzy, he was giving her everything for almost nothing in return.

Now he was with Roberto, and he felt stupid for taking so long to realize that everything he was looking for was right in front of him.

Sam hadn’t ever thought that he could live anything close to a normal life. He’d forced himself to accept that as an unchangeable fact, and to adjust accordingly. But, despite the premise he’d built his life on for years, here he was: he had a job, he was in college, he had a son. He had someone he loved. And so now that he was out here living, he didn’t know why he’d thought of it as such a far off possibility in the first place.

Well, people coming after you trying to kill you every month or so tended to make a slow, enjoyable life nothing but a pipe dream, but now that they’d fully broken off from the X-Men and were being lowkey about their mutant status, it wasn’t a problem.

Sam still did have the underlying fear that it was all too good to be true, that the new life he’d built was all going to come crashing down around him at some point. That if he let himself fully believe that he was free of the burdens that came with being a mutant, even for a second, everything would be taken away from him in some sort of twisted version of karma. It was a side effect of growing up with the X-Men, he supposed; no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he didn’t have to worry about things like that anymore, the uneasiness was still there, like at some point it had been permanently built into him. A reflex that had now become a curse.

But every time Sam came home to Roberto and Joshie-- his family-- it was easier to let himself live.

* * *

A week after Sam and Roberto had moved into the apartment, they’d gotten a knock on their door. Sam rushed to get it, Roberto close behind.

Before them stood a woman with a plate of cookies in hand. She was between Roberto and Sam’s heights, and she had long brown hair pulled back into a neat ponytail.

“Hi,” she said, slightly awkward. “I know it’s kind of a stereotypical thing to do, but I heard I was getting new neighbors, so I thought I’d just come by and say hello.” Roberto squeezed into the doorway next to Sam, reaching out for the cookies.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he said, giving her a charming smile. Sam rolled his eyes, and the woman laughed.

“This is Roberto,” Sam said, apologetic. “I’m Sam.” He stuck out a hand.

“Oh, I never introduced myself,” she said, shaking it. “I’m Natalie.” Sam felt a presence at his leg, and he looked down to see Joshie peering out from behind him. Sam picked him up, ruffling his hair.

“This is my son, Joshie,” he said. “Wanna say hi?”

Joshie gave a grin and waved enthusiastically. “Hello!”

“Oh, this is wonderful!” Natalie said, smiling and waving back. “I have a daughter just about his age.”

“Well, Joshie could use a playmate,” Sam said, putting him back down. He didn’t bother explaining that he hadn’t been around kids his age, due to growing up on an alien planet and all. Seemed like a bit much for the neighbors.

“We’ll have to arrange something sometime,” Natalie said. “Nice meeting you guys!”

“See ya around!” Sam closed the door. Roberto was already digging into the cookies, one in his mouth and handing another to Joshie. Sam had turned away, then, a smile on his face and fondness blooming in his chest.

* * *

Sam was cornered on his way home from the bookstore.

He and his coworker had just finished closing up for the night, and no sooner did he close the door than he heard a voice from down the street calling his name. Voices.

He put his shoulders up defensively and walked the other way, trying to look like he hadn’t heard them. Sam never really traveled with earbuds, but he was seriously considering getting a pair, if only to prevent certain people from talking to him.

“Sam!” They must have ran to catch up with him. Sam whipped around, and Dani and Xuyen almost ran into him.

“Listen, guys,” he said, exasperated. “I know what you’re gonna ask, and the answer is still no.” He turned back around and felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I just want to make sure if… well, if you’re sure,” Dani said.

“You’ve been ‘making sure if I’m sure’--” he used air quotes-- “for  _ months _ now, Dani. I’m sure.”

“Everyone else is there,” Xuyen added. “It’s great. A safe haven for mutants.”

“You won’t have to worry anymore, Sam,” Dani said. Sam wasn’t sure if this was their usual sales pitch or if Dani had actually sensed his fears. He didn’t really want to know.

“Was it something we did?” Xuyen asked. Sam felt a pang in his chest.

“Come on, I see y’all as family, you know that,” Sam said. “But the whole let’s-slaughter-kids-in-arenas ritual combat thing?” He shook his head. “I can’t do it. How many times do I have to explain it to you? I have my son now, I have Roberto. I have a  _ life _ . I don’t want any part of Krakoa.”

Dani and Xuyen nodded solemnly. In fact, it was almost the same exact nod. Sam felt a slight shiver go down his spine.

“If that’s what you think is best for you,” Dani said. It was almost condescending. She put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and met his eyes. “I really want you to be happy.  _ We  _ want you to be happy.”

“Thanks,” Sam said. “I am. Or, I will be if you guys stop hunting me down like this.” He swallowed, trying to shake the feeling of tears threatening to well up. “Can we just… hang out sometime? Normally, and not talk about this stuff? I really do miss you guys.”

Dani smiled. “I’ll have to check our schedule.” She paused, as if she was contemplating her next words. “I miss you too. You and my favorite little brother.” It was the first thing she’d said that really sounded like Dani. The pang in Sam’s chest grew into an ache.

He turned around, pushing it down. “Keep in touch?” Dani and Xuyen gave that same eerily similar nod, and he was on his way.

Sam opened the door to the apartment and was greeted with the comforting smell of food cooking. Roberto was at the stove; steam drifted off a pot.

Sam came up to Roberto from behind, snaking his arms around his waist. He rested his head on top of Roberto’s, and his eyebrows raised as he realized what was in the pot. “Is that my ma’s chicken noodle soup?”

“Maybe.” Sam could hear the smile in Roberto’s voice. “Joshie really wanted it, so I thought I’d give it a shot.”

“You really think I can’t tell when you’re lying by now?” Sam said. Roberto turned around, their faces now close. “I think you just wanted to impress me.”

Roberto shrugged, his smile turning devious. “Maybe.” Sam cupped his chin and kissed him. He tasted of savory chicken broth.

“You should probably get back to work,” Sam said against his lips. Roberto broke away, turning back to the soup.

“It’s actually about ready. Perfect timing,” Roberto said. “Go get Joshie? He’s in his room.”

The soup was delicious. To be honest, Sam was slightly surprised it had turned out so well. Of course, he neglected to tell Roberto the second part. Maybe he’d tease him later.

The typical evening consisted of getting Joshie put to bed, then sitting in the living room with Roberto and going back and forth between his book and whatever show Roberto was watching on TV. Tonight, though, Sam couldn’t seem to focus on either.

“Hey, ‘Berto,” Sam said absentmindedly.

“Yeah?” Roberto replied, still focused on the TV.

“I saw Dani and Shan today. On my way home from work.”

Roberto paused his show, turning to look at Sam. “Again? They still asking you about Krakoa?”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “It just seems like…” He paused. “Every time I see them, they’re less like themselves. More like some blank hivemind. I can’t tell if it’s just me or if something’s really going on there.”

Sam shifted. “This is going to sound stupid, but do you feel-- I dunno-- any sort of… pull to go back there?”

“I mean, I do miss our friends, but if you’re asking about some weird mind control thing? I don’t think so,” Roberto said. “And I’ll tell you if I do. After all these years, I think I can recognize a weird mind control thing when I see one.” He smirked, as if it was funny. Although, from their own messed up point of view, Sam supposed it was.

“Okay. Thanks.” Sam took Roberto’s hand, running his thumb over his knuckles. “I just worry. Something’s not right on that island.”

“Well, I’m right here,” Roberto said. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.” He pressed a kiss to Sam’s cheek and nestled himself into his side. Sam reached over and hit play on the TV, trying to shake his uneasy thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a lazy afternoon. Sam was on the couch studying, and Roberto was watching a soccer game. They’d sent Joshie over to Natalie’s to have a playdate with her daughter, so the apartment was strangely quiet apart from the steady drone of the soccer commentators and the tinny roar of the crowd.

The game went to commercial, and Roberto turned to Sam. “I thought it’d be nice to have a break from the kid,” he said, “but I kinda miss the little rascal.” Sam smiled, wondering how he and Roberto always managed to share thoughts.

“It’s good that he finally has kids his age around,” Sam said. “Speaking of which, we’ll have to look into enrolling him in kindergarten once fall rolls around.”

“Kindergarten!” Roberto said, putting a hand to his forehead dramatically. “Seems like he was just born yesterday.” Again, Sam had to agree. Life was passing by faster every day; the five years since he’d had Joshie now felt like a blur.

There was a knock at the door, and Sam got up to go get it. Roberto sat up as if to follow him, but Sam waved his hand at him to say “No, you can stay there.”

Natalie was at the door, and Sam felt a bolt of fear shoot through him. “Hey,” he said nervously. “Is something wrong with Joshie? Do I need to--”

“No, he’s right here,” Natalie interrupted, gesturing to her right. Sure enough, Joshie was at their feet, familiar innocent smile on his face. Joshie ran into the apartment, and Sam ruffled his hair as he went by. He arbitrarily noticed that Joshie was up to his waist now.

“But,” Natalie said, “something weird happened while he and Ally were playing.” Oh. Sam thought he knew what was coming next, and he readied himself to give an explanation.

“They were playing hide-and-seek, and Ally found him, so they started chasing each other around the apartment. But-- this is gonna sound crazy--” She shook her head before continuing. “Joshie started floating?”

Sam swallowed. “Uh. Yeah,” he said, fishing for an explanation, “he does that.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Sam actively kept himself from cringing. So much for keeping their mutant status on the down low.

“Something wrong?” Roberto asked, coming to join Sam at the door. Natalie’s gaze turned to him, and she looked like she was realizing something. Sam could nearly see the gears turning in her head.

“Wait,” Natalie said, closing her eyes and pinching her nose. She opened her eyes, fixated on Roberto. “You’re that guy from the Avengers! Da Costa! I knew I recognized you from somewhere.”

Roberto shared a quick  _ Oh, shit _ look with Sam. He gave a small shrug.  _ She knows. What’s the point in lying? _

“Yeah,” Roberto sighed. “That’s me. Ta-da.” He did an exasperated version of jazz hands.

Natalie gestured between them. “So… you’re both mutants?”

“Cat’s out of the bag now, so, yup,” Roberto said. He pointed a thumb at Sam. “This one was on the Avengers, too, actually, but he’s not the super rich famous guy, so I won’t give you a hard time.” Sam put his face in his hands, trying to come up with words, explanations, warnings, something to control the damage. Not for the first time, he wished he was as smooth as Roberto.

“Listen,” he finally said. “We’re really trying to keep things quiet. If you say a  _ word _ , we’re in big trouble.” He gave her a glare. “This is serious. If anyone finds out, our lives are in danger.”

Natalie put her hands up defensively. “Okay. I won’t say anything. Wasn’t planning on it anyway.”

Sam let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Sorry if I came across strong. I just want my family to be safe.”

Natalie nodded. “I understand. If anything happened to Ally… I don’t know what I’d do.” She stuck out a hand. “I promise to keep my mouth shut.”

Sam shook it. “Thanks.”

After the door shut, Sam leaned against the wall with an  _ oof _ , putting both hands to his forehead.

“You okay?” Roberto asked, coming to stand in front of Sam. Sam let his hands fall to his side, and Roberto took them.

“I don’t know,” Sam sighed. “What if she’s got a loud mouth? Worst case, what if she’s secretly evil? I think we should move, just to be safe--”

“Sam, no,” Roberto said firmly. “We don’t live like that anymore. This is our home.” He squeezed Sam’s hands. “We’ve only been here six months, which is longer than we’re usually in one place, I guess. But I know what constantly having to be alert and on the move did to us, mentally, and I don’t want Joshie to have to go through that.”

“Okay, but I don’t want to ignore the danger we could be in just because it feels nice,” Sam said.

“If something happens, we’ll deal with it. We always have.” Roberto leaned in to give Sam a quick kiss, and he smiled.

“Did you know you always stand on your tip-toes to kiss me?” Sam asked. Roberto scoffed, and Sam kissed him again. “No, don’t worry, it’s cute.”

Sam could get used to this. Maybe he'd give Roberto a chance.

* * *

Sam stared at the clock. He watched the second hand tick, every revolution around the circle just barely replenishing his will to stay awake. Usually, he enjoyed this class, but the professor had brought in a guest speaker who was incapable of injecting any sort of life into his talk. Sam wanted to pay attention, he really did, but it was excruciating.

Finally, the speaker indicated that he was finishing up, and Sam breathed a sigh of relief. The girl next to him chuckled.

“That’s it for today. See you Friday,” the professor said, and Sam nearly bolted for the door. The apartment was a subway ride away; he texted Roberto that he was on his way home. They’d been to the grocery store earlier and had bought ingredients for one of Sam’s favorite recipes, which he couldn’t wait to get home and cook. His belly grumbled at the thought.

Sam smiled to himself as he thought of their earlier grocery store trip. Joshie had kept picking random things off the shelves and trying to put them in the cart, and Roberto hadn’t helped by encouraging him. Being around Joshie had seemed to bring back a little of Roberto’s mischievous streak, but Sam didn’t mind; it was endearing, really.

Sam walked in the door of their building, walked up the stairs, put the key in the door, pushed it open.

He walked into an empty apartment.

Sam froze, panic tightening his chest. “‘Berto?” he called, trying not to sound nervous. “Joshie?” No response. His heart jumped.

He checked his and Roberto’s room, Joshie’s room: yes, the apartment was empty. He whipped out his phone; no texts from Roberto. He frantically found Roberto in his contacts and hit call, taking his place on the couch, head in his hand. The only thing Sam was processing in his uncharacteristically blank mind was the ringing of the phone.

It rang, and it rang, and it rang. Did it usually ring this long?

“Roberto da Costa is occupied at the moment,” came Roberto’s voice. “Leave a message, and I might get back to you.  _ Tchau!” _

Something had happened to them, then. Someone had found out, someone had taken Roberto and Joshie. Trusting Natalie had been a mistake. Just when he had let his guard down, just when he’d agreed to stay, not to worry. This was what happened when he had the audacity to think they could live like this. They should’ve gotten out of there when they’d had the chance, should never have moved here in the first place, should’ve just gone to Krakoa like everyone had been telling him--

The door to the apartment swung open, and Sam’s head snapped up. In walked Roberto, holding a bag of groceries, Joshie at his side. Roberto’s initial smile fell once he saw Sam.

“Sam? What happened?” Roberto said, rushing to put the bag on the counter.

Sam grasped for words. “Where… where were you?”

“I was taking Joshie back to the store, to get him all the stuff you made him put back,” Roberto said. He approached the couch, concern still in his eyes. Sam shook his head with a small laugh.

“At the store,” Sam said. He shook his head again, looking at Roberto. “He’s gonna be one spoiled kid, you know that?”

“Yeah, but he’s  _ my _ spoiled kid.” Roberto gave a small smile, but there was something more behind it. “Are you okay?”

Sam stood up and embraced him, holding him tight in his arms, breathing in his comforting scent. “I’m just really glad to see you, ‘Berto,” Sam said into his hair. “We can talk more later, okay?” They broke apart, Roberto nodding to signify that he understood  _ later _ to mean  _ when Joshie isn’t around. _

“All right.” Sam knelt down and placed his hands on Joshie’s shoulders. His eyes lit up, and Sam felt love swell in his chest. “You want to help your dad with dinner?”

* * *

“Okay, what’s up?”

Sam looked up from the book he was reading. Roberto was drying his hands with a towel, having just finished the dishes. He walked over to join Sam on the couch, taking his hand almost automatically.

“Earlier… when I came home, and you and Joshie weren’t here… I thought something had happened to you.” Sam swallowed, trying to hold back the tears that were suddenly building up behind his eyes. “I guess my nerves were running high after the whole thing with Natalie, but I just got freaked out. I thought you’d gotten kidnapped, or something.”

“I guess I don’t know if I’ll ever feel safe.” Sam’s voice trembled, and a tear slid down his face. Roberto raised a thumb to his cheek, wiping it away gently, keeping his hand against Sam’s face. “And I don’t want anything to happen to you guys.”

Roberto said nothing, just pulled Sam in, and Sam nestled his head in the crook of Roberto’s neck, and then the tears came all at once. Roberto rubbed his back comfortingly, whispering gentle “Shh”s and “It’s okay”s and “We’re okay”s in between kisses to his temple and hair. It all only made Sam cry harder.

Eventually, the tears dried up, and Sam was left nestled comfortably into Roberto’s side, the only sound their breathing and the faint music that was still playing from when Roberto had been doing the dishes.

Sam felt Roberto turn against him. “Nothing’s going to happen to us, okay?” Roberto’s voice thrummed against his body. “We’re safe. We don’t have to run anymore.”

Roberto shifted again. Sam realized he was standing up. He sat up, and Roberto was holding out his hands, a light smile on his face. “Dance with me?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “You are so cheesy. Of course.” He let Roberto lift him up, pull him close, guide him around the room. They swayed to the music together, eventually gaining more energy, and Sam could almost forget about the breakdown he’d just had. The only evidence was a wet stain on Roberto’s shirt where he’d laid his head. He let go of Roberto’s hands to drape his arms across his shoulders, and Roberto rested his hands on Sam’s waist. There was something familiar about it all.

“Hey,” Roberto said, and Sam swore he saw a twinkle in his eye. “Isn’t this the song I tried to kiss you to?” Sam paused the dance to listen for a moment, then laughed.

“I think it is,” he said, and Roberto laughed with him. There they stood, in their living room, holding each other, laughing. That is, until Roberto leaned up to kiss him, on his tiptoes, and Sam kissed back, hands getting tangled in hair and clothes, two souls getting lost in each other.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam was sitting in bed with Joshie in his lap, reading him his favorite book. It was one he’d picked up while they were on Chandilar; it wasn’t like they had a lot of access to Earth books. That would be a fun one to explain to the other parents at kindergarten.

Sam heard the door creak open. He didn’t skip a beat, finishing the page he was on before looking up at Roberto. “Scooch,” Roberto said, waving his hand at Sam.

Sam obliged, moving to make room for Roberto. He climbed in, not touching Sam at first, but as Sam continued reading, Roberto moved closer, first putting a hand on Sam’s arm, then resting his head on Sam’s shoulder. Sam pretended not to notice, continuing to read from the book. Although he couldn’t see it, he knew Roberto was probably wearing that mischievous smile of his.

“You’re blushing,” Roberto said. He was definitely grinning; Sam could hear it in his voice. He poked Sam’s nose, and Sam gave in, catching his hand as it came down and planting a kiss on his forehead.

It was moments like this that made Sam realize that being in love was so much better when the person you’re in love with loves you just as much.

By the end of the book, Joshie was fast asleep in Sam’s lap. Roberto turned to him as he set down the book, raising an eyebrow. “Can’t move now, don’t wanna wake him up.”

Sam gave his shoulder a playful shove with his hand. “Don’t pretend like this wasn’t your plan all along.” Roberto looked away, feigning dramatic innocence. Sam put a hand to his jaw, turning his head towards his and catching his lips for a quick kiss. It was just another rhythm that had become natural to them.

Roberto rested his head on Sam’s chest. “Hey, Sam.”

“Yeah, ‘Berto?”

“I’ve been thinking about maybe teaching Joshie Portuguese,” Roberto said. He absentmindedly played with Sam’s hand.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Sam said. “Teach me too, while you’re at it.”

“Nah, I think you’ve got enough to deal with, since the ever-noble and selfless Samuel Guthrie  _ insisted _ on getting a job.” Roberto shifted against him. “I’ve told you, you didn’t have to do that. Everything that’s mine is yours.”

“Yeah, but it would just feel weird,” Sam said. “Maybe one day.”

“One day…” Roberto trailed off, and they were silent for a moment. Sam wondered what Roberto was thinking about.  _ One day. _ “So that’s a yes?”

“Yes to-- oh, Portuguese. Of course.” Sam wrapped tight curls around his fingers. “Y’know you don’t really need to ask me. He’s your kid too.”

“Yeah, guess so.” Roberto looked up at him. “But it would just feel weird.” He laughed, and Sam laughed too.

* * *

Sam leaned up against the bookstore counter. It was a slow day, and he was running out of things to keep himself busy with. He normally would give anything for a day where he could just sit around and chat with customers or coworkers, but today he was stuck on a shift with the most irritating guy on staff, so any excuse to do work was a good one. Especially if it meant getting away from Garrett.

He’d only started working at the shop a few weeks ago, and from day one he was convinced that he and Sam were destined to be best friends. He would sometimes follow Sam around, talking about random things and trying to prove how friend-worthy he was. Garrett was persistent; every time Sam responded with a one-word answer or in a tone that said “please leave me alone,” it only seemed to inspire him more.

“Done reorganizing that shelf like you said to.” Garrett’s voice came out of nowhere, and Sam jumped a little. He must have been so lost in thought that he hadn’t seen him approach.

“Okay, good. Uh…” Sam looked wildly around for something, anything to tell him to do. He resigned himself to an afternoon of making small talk with Garrett. “Honestly, there ain’t much more to do right now.” He glanced at the clock. At least he got off in half an hour.

“Hey, I just remembered, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” Garrett took up a position across from Sam, leaning against the wall.

“Aren’t you that guy that was on the Avengers a while back?”

Sam felt his blood run cold. It was an effort to form the denial in his mouth. “Uh. No. What makes you say that?” He was a terrible liar.

Garrett had pulled out his phone, glaring intensely at the screen. He seemed to be looking for something. A second later, he flipped his phone around for Sam to look at. It was a zoomed in photo of him and Roberto, in their Avengers uniforms, sure enough, from some event that had happened right after Roberto had bought AIM.

“I mean.” Sam cleared his throat. “That’s not the highest quality photo you got there. I can see why you’d think that’s me, but--”

“No, no, I have other photos,” Garrett said, waving his hand dismissively and taking his phone back. “I can show you--”

“I think that’s enough,” Sam said, trying not to let his anger show.

“So you  _ were  _ on the Avengers?”

“Will you keep it down?” Sam looked wildly around the store. Thankfully, there was no one else there other than an older man in one of the further aisles. At least, he didn’t think there was.

“That is  _ so cool, _ ” Garrett said in something that was more of a stage whisper than Sam would’ve liked. Sam didn’t really know what to say at this point, so he just shrugged. Luckily, the old man was approaching the counter to check out, so Sam was saved from having to recall Avengers anecdotes for the time being.

The man walked out of the store, and as soon as the door shut behind him, Garrett turned back to Sam. “So, do your parents know? About you being a mu--”

“Yes,” Sam said through clenched teeth. He decided not to let Garrett know his father had died when he was fifteen; he really did not feel like telling his whole life story in the middle of his goddamn shift at the bookstore.

“Are they… supportive?”

Sam restrained himself from rolling his eyes. “Yes. Will you  _ please _ be quiet?”

“Oh, sorry if you don’t like talking about it.”  _ Just picked up on that, huh?  _ “You know, my cousin’s college roommate was a mutant.”

“Great.”  _ Don’t care. _

Twenty minutes-- and several random comments from Garrett letting Sam know how much he supported mutants-- later, Sam was walking out the door of the bookshop and making his way to the subway to go to an evening class. As much as he was normally excited for his classes, all he wanted to do today was plop down on the couch and complain to Roberto. And maybe get some pity kisses out of it.

* * *

It was dark out by the time Sam was making his way up their building’s stairs. He felt the familiar longing that came when summer was drawing to a close and the darkness came earlier and earlier. He was also still pretty fired up from his earlier experience at work, only making himself angrier every time he thought about it. Did Garrett realize how downright creepy it was to save and analyze random photos because you think it  _ might _ be your coworker? And to have gone the extra step and confronted him about it, not thinking for a second that it might be something best kept private? The nerve of some people.

He entered the apartment, setting his backpack down with a  _ thunk _ and immediately regretting it upon seeing the scene in the living room. Roberto and Joshie were on the couch, both fast asleep. Roberto still had Joshie’s favorite book in his lap, and Joshie himself was curled up into his side. Sam felt all his built-up anger dissipate, replaced only with a fierce affection and the surge of protectiveness that came with it.

Sam went to the bedroom to change out of his day clothes. He figured he’d leave Roberto alone; he could use an adjustment to his erratic sleep schedule anyway. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and one of Roberto’s shirts, he heard his phone ring from where he’d tossed it on the bed. He glanced at the screen to see who was calling. Paige.

“Hey, how’s--”

“Sam, oh my God.” Paige sounded out of breath; panicked, even.

“Paige, what’s going on?”

“It’s-- Apocalypse, he--” Paige’s voice wobbled, as if she was starting to cry.

“Calm down, Paige, I’m here,” Sam said, trying his best to hide how his heart had dropped upon hearing the name Apocalypse. “What happened? Are you okay? Are you safe?”

“I am, for now,” Paige said. “He’s got everyone, Sam, Jay, Mel, all our siblings. Ma, too.”

Sam felt like he’d just gotten shot in the chest. He struggled to find breath, let alone words. Paige continued in a fervor. “I was able to escape, thank God. He kept going on about how we’re some powerful mutant family, how he wanted-- I don’t know what he wanted, he--”

“Paige, it’s okay.” It wasn’t okay. “Don’t worry, I’m coming. Can you get someone to make a gate here?”

“Yeah, probably within the next thirty minutes or so?” He heard Paige sniffle over the phone.

“Alright. Everything’s gonna be fine.” Sam swallowed. He wanted to cry, but he found himself in a sort of rage-induced calm. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Paige hung up, and Sam sunk to the bed, letting out a breath. The one night he needed some rest and relaxation was the night that supervillains decided to kidnap his entire family. Figures. He let out a dry laugh.

The bedroom door creaked open. “You home, Sam?”

Well. Not his  _ entire _ family.

“I just put Joshie to bed,” Roberto said, concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Roberto sat down next to Sam, putting a hand on his thigh. Sam simply drew him close, feeling his warmth, breathing in his scent, pretending that his world hadn’t just come crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick note before you go because its been a few weeks and i feel like this needs to be said-- we do not support the new mutants movie in this house. if youre new here and have stumbled upon this fic because of the movie [heres a post i made](https://samberto.tumblr.com/post/627273333395832832/it-seems-new-mutants-movie-release-week-is-upon-us) with some links. stay informed and dont make excuses for racism


	9. Chapter 9

"'Berto, what are you doing?"

One second, Sam was informing him of the fact that Apocalypse had kidnapped almost all of his siblings and also his mom, and the next, Roberto was crouched at the floor of their closet, fervently rummaging around like he was looking for something specific. "Trying to find our uniforms," he said. Roberto turned around, squatting on his heels. "Shit, did we really lose them in the move? I had those custom made!"

Roberto was freaking out. Sam knew because he could tell that he was making a conscious effort to crack jokes. Usually his wisecracks sounded natural, smooth, but right now his heart wasn't really in it. It had always been a defense mechanism of his.

"Roberto, calm down," Sam said. "Why are you looking for both our uniforms?"

Roberto frowned, as if it was a stupid question. "Well, I'm coming with you, of course."

Sam blanked for a second. "What? No," he said, shaking his head back and forth. "You are  _ not _ coming along on this one, Da Costa." He waved his hands for emphasis.

"Listen, I know how protective you are, and normally it's charming, but I really think I can handle myself," Roberto said, standing up.

Sam scoffed. "I am  _ not _ protective." He totally was.

"You totally are," Roberto said. He smirked, and it was the most like himself he'd been since Sam had told him what happened. Love swelled in Sam's chest, and even though it happened often these days, the feeling never lessened; he'd never become numb to it. This time it was almost possessive.

"Hey," Sam murmured. He walked over to him, running a hand down his arm and taking his hand. Roberto raised his eyebrows. "I love you."

Roberto glanced away, a slight blush tinging his cheeks. He looked back, the smile on his face almost bashful, and Sam's heart jumped. No matter how flirty and smooth Roberto acted, Sam loved that he could still make him blush, catch him off guard. "I love you too,” Roberto said.

Sam took a deep breath. “‘Berto, I…” He swallowed. This was going to be hard to say. “I know what it’s like to lose a parent young, and if Joshie has to go through that… I just don’t want it to be both.”

“Don’t talk like that, Sam,” Roberto said, a fierce look in his eyes. “You’re not going to die. And in case you’ve forgotten, even if you do, we can kind of resurrect people now.”

“Okay, but something is definitely up with all that,” Sam said. “Don’t tell me you don’t notice how weird all the resurrected people are acting.”

“ _ I _ was resurrected,” Roberto said. “I don’t feel ‘weird.’” He used air quotes.

“Yeah, well, you’re different,” Sam muttered. Roberto rolled his eyes. “Maybe it’s because you’ve been away from Krakoa for so long, I dunno. Anyways, I’d rather not deal with it. Xavier’s… mental files, or whatever… on me and my memories probably haven’t been updated. I don’t want me or you to lose these past months.” He gave Roberto a slow, gentle kiss, savoring his taste, the feel of his mouth.

They broke apart, and Roberto leaned his head against Sam’s chest, tucking it under his chin. Sam rested his head on top of his, losing himself in the feel of tight curls against his cheek and the familiar scent of flowery shampoo.

“If it’s what’ll make you happy, I’ll stay,” Roberto murmured. Sam could feel his breath, his lips moving against his chest.

“Thank you.” Sam pressed a kiss to his hair. Roberto shifted, and they left their embrace. He put two sturdy hands on Sam’s shoulders, a slight smile on his face.

“Go save our family, Sam Guthrie.”

* * *

As soon as Sam stepped through the gate, someone was throwing their arms around his neck, almost so tight he couldn’t breathe.

“Hey, Paige,” Sam said, his voice muffled. “So it takes our entire family being kidnapped for you to hug me like this, huh?”

“Shut up,” Paige said. Her voice was shaky, but Sam could tell she was smiling, however slight.

They broke apart. “I’m so glad you’re safe,” Sam said. Paige sniffled, trying to hide how she was wiping away her tears. Sam would’ve cried with her if he wasn’t so furiously terrified.

“You too. How’re Roberto and Joshie?”

“They’re both safe. Roberto wanted to help, but--”

“--you wouldn’t let him come,” Paige finished for him, shooting him a knowing grin. “You’re so predictable, Sammy boy.”

“He says I’m ‘protective,’” Sam said, using air quotes and rolling his eyes. He felt a tug in his chest; this felt almost normal.

“You kinda are.” Paige gave him a playful shove.

“Sam!” He whipped around at the sound of Dani’s voice. He swallowed.

“Hey,” he said, tentative. “I know we haven’t talked since that time you tracked me down, but--”

“C’mere,” Dani said, rolling her eyes and pulling Sam in for a hug. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Hugs from Dani were always comforting; she was almost as tall as he was and just as strong.

“Didn’t even bother to come in uniform?” Dani teased, pulling away. Sam felt a small blush tint his cheeks as he realized he was still wearing Roberto’s shirt.

“Couldn’t find it,” he said, shrugging in an attempt to be nonchalant.

“I’m just joking,” Dani chuckled. “We probably have an extra lying around. Might be a bit small on you, though. C’mon, follow me.” She raised her eyebrows. “We have a team meeting to hold.”  _ Just like old times, _ her expression seemed to say.

_ Just like old times indeed, _ Sam thought as he followed Dani across the green, flowery expanse that was Krakoa. It really was beautiful; only it was the type of beautiful that had something truly sinister lying beneath it, just barely contained.

Gathered around the table in the New Mutants’ compound were Illyana, Doug, Amara, Rahne, Xuyen and Tabby. Dani took her place beside Xuyen and waved Sam over to sit beside her. Behind the table were Paige and her teammates from Gen X (although not all of them-- Sam couldn’t help but wonder what that was all about) and some of Jay’s Academy X friends.

This was all that stood between Apocalypse and Sam’s family.

Dani seemed to read his thoughts, because she said, “I know it’s not much. But it’s all we’ve got. No one else was willing to go up against Apocalypse.” She sighed. “Somehow they still think he’s one of the reformed good guys.”

Rahne raised her hand tentatively from across the table. “You’ve forgotten Julio.”

Dani nodded, turning to Sam. “Ric’s agreed to help us out. He’s gotten pretty close to Apocalypse over the past few months. He knows his weaknesses, and apparently he’s gotten quite the power upgrade.”

Sam bristled at the thought of being close to Apocalypse. “You’re sure he’s on our side?”

“Uh, yeah,” Tabby said, almost condescending. She blew a bubble in the gum she was chewing. “He hates the guy’s guts, we’re a hundred percent sure about that.” She briefly widened her eyes, as if to say  _ I don’t wanna get into it. _

Sam nodded. “So what’s the plan?”

“When Sabretooth was tried on Krakoa, Xavier banished him. Krakoa opened up and swallowed him. We want it to do the same to Apocalypse.” Dani took a deep breath. “We weaken and confuse him enough for Xuyen to possess him. Amara and Rictor then guide the ground and Krakoa itself to open up and take him. Ric’s the key here. Apocalypse doesn’t know he’s not actually loyal to him. We’re hoping to take him by surprise.”

From across the table, Doug cleared his throat. “I don’t think he knows about Warlock either.” His right arm shifted, and Warlock’s familiar head emerged.

“Self is ready to assist SelfFriendSam!” he said, enthusiastic as ever. Sam grinned back at him..

“Warlock!” He gave Doug a look. “How long has…” he gestured in his vague direction. “... this been going on?”

“This whole time.” Doug’s smile was smug, as if he’d successfully gotten away with a grand scheme. It reminded him of Roberto.

Sam took another look around the room and felt bolts of fear shooting through him. It wasn’t enough. It didn’t feel like nearly enough. But, as Dani had said, it was the best they had.

“What happens if we don’t defeat him?” he asked.

Dani shrugged. “Either people realize that he doesn’t have our best interests at heart after all, or we’re outcast from Krakoa for attacking a fellow mutant.” She smirked. “That’s why we’re counting on winning.”

Dani turned back to the whole group. “Any other questions?” The room was silent. “Good.”

“Let’s go kick Apocalypse’s blue ass.”

* * *

Apocalypse was keeping the Guthries somewhere on the other side of Krakoa, in a place that no one else had known about until Rictor had told them. A secret villain lair and everything. Seriously, Sam didn’t know how everyone had trusted Apocalypse for this long.

The scene had devolved into chaos as soon as they’d arrived. Apocalypse had made a big show of being betrayed by his precious Rictor, as he was wont to do, and then the fight to save his family had begun. The only person not with them was Shan; they were keeping her in a secret location even Sam didn’t know about, so that she could possess Apocalypse remotely.

Sam landed and looked to his side, where Rahne lay, unmoving. Even though he knew that she could be easily resurrected, he still felt a sharp pang in his chest at the sight of her still body. Death was death, there was no getting around that. She looked even smaller than she normally did; Sam couldn’t help but be reminded of Melody’s time in the arena they called the Crucible. The thought of it still sent chills down his spine.

He turned around, to where Paige was helping up a knocked-down Angelo. Sam’s eyes tracked behind them, and everything seemed to go into slow motion.

Apocalypse had some sort of spear, and he was poised to throw it in Paige’s direction.

On pure, thoughtless instinct, Sam powered up, careening towards Paige.

As he approached her, he felt his blast field inexplicably splutter out, and he fell face-first into the dirt.

He stood up and felt a sharp, piercing pain in his chest.

He looked down to see red everywhere. The spear Apocalypse had been holding was now buried in his chest.

Sam heard Paige scream his name, but everything was distant, underwater. He felt as if his body was simultaneously numb and on fire. He should’ve been panicking, he thought, but instead he just felt a strange, almost familiar calm. The last time this had happened, he’d been only nineteen. Sam supposed it was time for him to get reacquainted with death.

He didn’t remember falling to the ground; he was just suddenly laying in the grass, on his side. He couldn’t feel his own arm underneath him, and every time he opened his eyes, the world spun around and around. Paige was above him, or at least he thought it was Paige. Everything was blurry and dim, and he was falling, falling, falling.

The last thing Sam felt was Roberto’s name on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for no update last week, i was moving into college and starting classes so i didn't have time to write. hope you enjoyed the penultimate chapter :)


	10. Chapter 10

Sam was drifting in, out, in, out.

In. His head was bouncing. His entire body was bouncing. Someone was carrying him, running. A voice was yelling. He felt a sharp pain in his chest. He wished it would go away.

Out.

In. There were bright, white lights. It was cold. Someone was talking. He couldn’t tell who it was. He couldn’t feel anything.

Out.

In. It was warmer now (both the lights and the temperature). There was something familiar about the room he was in. Someone was slumped over in a chair beside him, asleep. Hair tickled his arm. A familiar smell hung in the air. Warmth in his chest.

Out.

* * *

When Sam woke up next, the chair next to him was empty. It was probably just his imagination, but the room felt colder.

He rolled over and turned his bedside lamp on. It took him several seconds to realize that he’d done it without thinking, and several more seconds to realize that this was because he was in his childhood bedroom. Which meant that he was at home, on the farm. He was safe. He wasn’t dead.

Sam tried not to think about the implications of that.

Instead, he tried to remember the last time he’d slept in this bed. It had to have been the night before he’d left for Xavier’s, right after he’d quit his brief stint with the Hellfire Club. Sam chuckled as he thought about his time as Sebastian Shaw’s crony; being evil hadn’t suited him in the slightest. Roberto had teased him for weeks afterward about how he’d apologized before attacking them.

_ Roberto. _ Sam shot up in bed, then felt a searing pain in his chest and fell back to the mattress. Oh. Right. At least the fact that he was apparently still recovering from an injury probably meant he hadn’t died and gone through all that culty resurrection shit. It was a small comfort, and after the realization, his thoughts immediately returned to his family. He attempted to sit up again, resting his weight on his elbows.

Just as he was feeling okay about trying to sit up more, the door creaked open. Roberto entered the room, pushing the door open with his back and carrying a bowl of soup in his hands. He turned around, and upon seeing Sam, nearly dropped the bowl.

“Sam!” he exclaimed. “You’re awake!  _ Nossa _ , lay back down, you’re going to hurt yourself.” He hurriedly set the soup on the bedside table and sat on the bed next to Sam, pushing his shoulder down. Sam begrudgingly complied.

“Hey,” Sam said. His voice was more of a croak than he would’ve liked. Roberto’s hand traveled up to cup Sam’s jaw, running his thumb back and forth across his cheek.

“Hey, yourself,” Roberto said, voice smooth but full of affection. Light streamed in from the window, giving his dark skin a golden glow. He leaned down to place a kiss on Sam’s forehead, running a hand through his hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Sam said, voice stronger now. “What happened, is everyone safe, did--”

Roberto put a finger to Sam’s lips. “Everyone’s okay. Don’t worry.” Sam breathed a sigh of relief, then took Roberto’s hand. Roberto squeezed it. “Joshie’s here too, he’s out in the living room. Your siblings positively  _ adore _ him.” He smiled briefly, then it faded, and Roberto’s eyes drifted. “You had me worried there, Sam.” He quickly ducked his head, but Sam caught the wetness in his eyes.

“Hey, I’m okay,” Sam murmured, placing his hand over Roberto’s. He kissed his knuckles softly, and Roberto turned back around, furiously wiping the tears from his eyes.

“I’m not the one who needs to be comforted right now,” he said, shaking his head.

“And you said I was the protective one.” Sam was able to get a watery smile out of him. “C’mere.”

He tugged on Roberto’s lapel and raised his chin to meet his lips, kissing him deeply. For a moment, he could forget about everything that had just happened, and all that mattered was Roberto, Roberto,  _ Roberto _ . Sam shifted his hand to cup the back of Roberto’s head, opening his mouth, inviting him in.

Roberto shifted above him, and Sam felt a sharp, sudden pain. He let out a yelp, and Roberto drew back, panic in his eyes.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, stroking Sam’s arm.

“I’m okay,” Sam said. He smiled, holding in a laugh. “Maybe we should save this until I’m not bedridden.”

Roberto laughed, shaking his head. “Only in the X-Men can we say, ‘Sorry, I can’t make out right now, I’ve got a giant hole in my chest.’”

Sam snorted. He internally felt accomplished that Roberto was feeling good enough about the situation now to joke about it.

“I love you,” Sam sighed. He pulled Roberto down for another kiss, soft, gentle, lingering.

“I love you too,” Roberto murmured against his lips. He drew back, a stern look on his face. “Now eat your soup.”

* * *

Later in the day, Sam was able to sit up in bed and read. Moving around too much hurt, but once he was settled in, he was fine. He didn’t tell Roberto about the pain; his fussing was endearing, but he was overreacting. Really, it wasn’t that bad.

Sam heard the door creak open. He looked up from his book to see his mother in the doorway. His heart jumped, and his face broke into a smile. “Ma!”  
“Hi, Sam,” she said, making her way over to him and engulfing him in a hug. Sam held on tight, trying to keep tears at bay.

“I’m so glad you’re safe,” he said into her shoulder.

“Me too,” she said, drawing back. She sat next to Sam on the bed, pointing at the book in his hands. “Nothing can keep you from your books, huh?”

“You know it.” Sam grinned. “How is everyone?”

“Doting on your son,” she said. “I know it’s been a while, but I still can’t believe my son is a father. Really makes me feel old.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Aw, c’mon, you’re not  _ that _ old.”

“You have to say that,” his mom said, pinching his cheek.

“I hope Joshie’s not misbehaving,” Sam said. “He can be… rambunctious.”

“He’s been wonderful. I know you’re a great dad, Sam.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Learned from the best.”

His mother waved her hand. “Oh, stop it.”

“I am kinda curious, though,” Sam said. “How were you able to get in here without ‘Berto tagging along?”

“The kids took him and Joshie into town,” she said. “Roberto is just the  _ sweetest _ gentleman. I can tell he cares about you a great deal.”

“Yeah, he is pretty great.”  _ Ass-kisser, _ Sam thought _. _ “I…” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I love him, Ma.”

“I know.” She smiled. “I was wondering when you’d figure that out.”

Sam put a hand to his forehead, groaning. “How did everyone seem to know before I did?”

“It’s like I told you, Sam,” his mother said softly. “You find someone when you’re not even looking.”

“Aw, Ma, you’re gonna make me cry.” Sam covered his face with his hands.

“I’m glad Roberto is your someone,” his mother said, patting his leg comfortingly. “ _ He _ shows up to family dinners.”

Sam chuckled. “That should’ve been a warning sign, huh?” That was it. A tear rolled down his cheek.

“Oh, Sam, are you still upset about Izzy? I’m sorry for joking.”

Sam shook his head quickly. “No, Ma, I’m happy.” He smiled.

“Really happy.”

* * *

After a few days, Sam was able to walk out into the living room. He had to stop Joshie from crawling all over him (the kid was getting heavy now!), but it wasn’t that hard because he’d just float up to the ceiling.

Joshie was currently doing aerial flips across the room and giggling uncontrollably. “Papa!” he laughed. “Papa, look!”

Roberto watched their son, an affectionate smile on his face. “You’re doing great,” he said proudly.

Something was different; Sam felt his heart swell when he realized what it was. “Wait, when did he start calling you Papa?” he asked, a smile creeping onto his face. Sam had only been out of it a few days, but it felt like he’d been separated from his family for a lifetime.

Roberto shrugged. “I don’t know. He just… does.” He looked lost in thought for a moment, then turned his attention to Sam. “Can I get you anything? Water? Something to eat?”

“Y’know, water would be great,” Sam said. “Thanks, ‘Berto.”

“Any time, love,” Roberto said, smooth as ever. He disappeared into the kitchen, and Paige gave Sam a look.

“Oh my God, you’re actually blushing?” she said, rolling her eyes. “You guys are, like,  _ disgustingly  _ in love.”

“Thanks for the support, sis,” Sam said, fighting the redness in his face but probably only succeeding in blushing harder.

“No, seriously, I’m happy for you,” Paige said. “It makes me feel good to see you like this. Plus, it was getting painful watching Bobby make silent puppy-dog eyes whenever he looked at you.”

Sam put his head in his hands. He simultaneously wanted to hug and kill Paige. Luckily (or unluckily), Roberto returned with his glass of water before he could say anything too mean.

“I can’t wait until you’re healed,” Roberto said, setting the glass down and kissing his temple. “It’s hard work satisfying your every whim.” His mischievous grin was infectious. Sam pulled him in for quick kiss on the lips.

“You know you love it, Da Costa,” Sam teased. Paige made a gagging gesture, and Sam flipped her off where Roberto couldn’t see.

“Wait. Oh my God. Work.” Sam stared at Roberto. “I haven’t called off any of these past few days, they’re gonna kill me.”

Roberto stared at him for a second, then burst into laughter. “You nearly died, and you’re worried about not calling in sick.” Paige snorted behind him. “You really need to learn how to relax,  _ meu amor. _ ”

Sam sighed, taking a look around the room. At Paige, at Roberto, at his son.  _ Their _ son. This was the life he’d never thought he could have, and yet here he was. He’d only had to fight off a centuries-old immortal being. He laughed, and Roberto gave him a confused look. Sam took his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Yeah, I think I could do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. over two months later and we've finally arrived at the end...  
> i've always wanted to write a longer multichapter fic like this, and this idea had been in my head for months so i finally decided fuck it i'm gonna actually do it. i'm gonna plan it out and follow through and finish it. and then i did. this thing is 36 pages in google docs. and i'm kinda emotional about it being over :( it was so fun though! thank you to everyone who's read it and a BIG thank you to everyone who's left a comment or messaged me about this fic! it keeps me going and i'm so glad you like it enough to talk about it! i don't know when i'll write another big fic like this, but i will keep the braincells churning for ideas. thanks again for reading! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> i'm [@samberto](https://samberto.tumblr.com) on tumblr! :)


End file.
